The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm getting married
To pizza
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
