I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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