he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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