i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
