New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
