I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
