The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
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