Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
