Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
