these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
