No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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