id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
