Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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