i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
