When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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