We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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