what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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