I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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