I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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