I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
