my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
