So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Randomize
