Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
