I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
