You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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