Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize