He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
