Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
