I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
