i was born a porn star she said
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
