Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize