I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
