you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
