I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
