Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
