Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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