Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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