im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
