I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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