people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
