He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
even my farts smell like vagina
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
