his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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