you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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