Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
