FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
