I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Please don't give away my fajitas
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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