I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
