Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Your dad touched me again.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
