brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
