Why are handjobs necessary in class?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
