In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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