You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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