listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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