o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize