is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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