Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
