Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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