the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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