the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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