If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
