those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize