What a fucking waste of an outfit
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
