Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
