dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
