you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
