when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
