i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize