pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
